Welcome back to the Effective Communications Series - Verbal Communications: Using The Right Language. If you missed our first article on Verbal Communications, be sure to check it out. Today, we are going to dive into one of the most interesting topics in verbal communications - how to effectively choose and utilize language in your communications with others.
Language is the combination of words you use and the sequence you put those words in (also known as syntax). There is good news and bad news when it comes to effective language use. The good news is once mastered, you will be able to communicate with such precision and influence it will astound you. The bad news is... it's going to take a little practice. Not to worry, we are going to give you some tips to speed up the process.
The words you use in conversation are the most powerful tools you have at your disposal! Never underestimate the power of words in communication. You must use words that will elicit the response you desire from those with whom you communicate. Most people communicate using words that would have meaning to them whereas effective communicators use words that have meaning to others.
To do this, learn to recognize the different ways people process information. It's done visually, through auditory, and kinesthetically (through feeling - both emotional and physical). A complete understanding of this concept would require an article on its own; however, we want you to understand how these methods of processing affect verbal communications, so we'll cover it briefly.
All three of these processes are utilized when we take in information but each of us has a primary process we use when evaluating new information. Everyone prefers one over the other and knowing which one the person you're talking to uses, is important.
So, how can you learn which process someone uses? Listen. What words do they use to get their point across? Let's start with some examples. Let's say you want to go to the Caribbean for vacation and you're traveling with someone else. When you make your suggestion, there are several possible responses from your friend.
"I'm not positive I want to go. I can't see myself having fun with all the reports I have to do."
"To be honest, that doesn't really sound all that interesting to me. I'd rather go to Alaska because I've heard great things about it."
"Now isn't a good time. I can't put my finger on it, but it just doesn't feel like the right time to go on vacation."
The first example tells you the person is processing visually because they said "see." The second is processing utilizing auditory senses since they used two auditory contextual words... "sound" and "heard." Can you guess which clues tell you example 3 is kinesthetic? If you guessed the word "feel" you are right but did you catch the more subtle clue... "put my finger on it?" That's a kinesthetic clue because the sense of touch is involved.
If you were trying to try to persuade your friend to come with you, you would need to model their process of evaluation to be most effective. For example, talking to your kinesthetic friend about all the great things there would be to see isn't going to move them to action. They are interested in how it will feel. Conversely, if you were trying to persuade your visual-processing friend by talking about the great feelings, experiences, and emotions they would feel using kinesthetic words, they would be lost because they are trying to picture it in their mind.
By now, we're sure you get it, and there's one last thing to mention, even though it may seem obvious. We haven't touched on syntax yet. The order of words you use has an impact on the meaning someone might give to what you're saying. Here's an example. Same words, different syntax:
"Honey, I am angry with you, but the important thing is I love you."
"Honey, I love you but the important thing is I am angry with you."
Same exact words... dramatically different meaning. It is important that you use syntax in your favor and in your favor means in a way that communicates what you want to communicate.
If you read last weeks article, you're aware of the impact of tone and emotional congruence. We've added syntax and the type of processing this week, and next week we'll tackle the yet another major element of effective communication. In the meantime, practice noticing what you've learned so far in your conversations. Try matching your friends' language and see what results you get. Have fun! Nobody will even notice what you're doing!
Language is the combination of words you use and the sequence you put those words in (also known as syntax). There is good news and bad news when it comes to effective language use. The good news is once mastered, you will be able to communicate with such precision and influence it will astound you. The bad news is... it's going to take a little practice. Not to worry, we are going to give you some tips to speed up the process.
The words you use in conversation are the most powerful tools you have at your disposal! Never underestimate the power of words in communication. You must use words that will elicit the response you desire from those with whom you communicate. Most people communicate using words that would have meaning to them whereas effective communicators use words that have meaning to others.
To do this, learn to recognize the different ways people process information. It's done visually, through auditory, and kinesthetically (through feeling - both emotional and physical). A complete understanding of this concept would require an article on its own; however, we want you to understand how these methods of processing affect verbal communications, so we'll cover it briefly.
All three of these processes are utilized when we take in information but each of us has a primary process we use when evaluating new information. Everyone prefers one over the other and knowing which one the person you're talking to uses, is important.
So, how can you learn which process someone uses? Listen. What words do they use to get their point across? Let's start with some examples. Let's say you want to go to the Caribbean for vacation and you're traveling with someone else. When you make your suggestion, there are several possible responses from your friend.
"I'm not positive I want to go. I can't see myself having fun with all the reports I have to do."
"To be honest, that doesn't really sound all that interesting to me. I'd rather go to Alaska because I've heard great things about it."
"Now isn't a good time. I can't put my finger on it, but it just doesn't feel like the right time to go on vacation."
The first example tells you the person is processing visually because they said "see." The second is processing utilizing auditory senses since they used two auditory contextual words... "sound" and "heard." Can you guess which clues tell you example 3 is kinesthetic? If you guessed the word "feel" you are right but did you catch the more subtle clue... "put my finger on it?" That's a kinesthetic clue because the sense of touch is involved.
If you were trying to try to persuade your friend to come with you, you would need to model their process of evaluation to be most effective. For example, talking to your kinesthetic friend about all the great things there would be to see isn't going to move them to action. They are interested in how it will feel. Conversely, if you were trying to persuade your visual-processing friend by talking about the great feelings, experiences, and emotions they would feel using kinesthetic words, they would be lost because they are trying to picture it in their mind.
By now, we're sure you get it, and there's one last thing to mention, even though it may seem obvious. We haven't touched on syntax yet. The order of words you use has an impact on the meaning someone might give to what you're saying. Here's an example. Same words, different syntax:
"Honey, I am angry with you, but the important thing is I love you."
"Honey, I love you but the important thing is I am angry with you."
Same exact words... dramatically different meaning. It is important that you use syntax in your favor and in your favor means in a way that communicates what you want to communicate.
If you read last weeks article, you're aware of the impact of tone and emotional congruence. We've added syntax and the type of processing this week, and next week we'll tackle the yet another major element of effective communication. In the meantime, practice noticing what you've learned so far in your conversations. Try matching your friends' language and see what results you get. Have fun! Nobody will even notice what you're doing!
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