Tone And Emotional Congruence in Verbal Communication -
by Michael Bloxton
In our last article, we discussed non-verbal communication the role of body language, posture, eye contact, and facial expression in effective communication. Now let's move on to the other major factor in communicating effectively with others - verbal communication. Properly applied these skills can have an enormous impact in your life.
Let's start with the three most powerful elements that effect verbal communication. With practice, they will make you a master communicator.
Have you ever heard the saying, "It's not what you say, but how you say it that counts?" This statement could not be truer, but what the heck does it mean? <strong><i>How</i></strong> you say something is expressed through your <strong><i>tone and emotional congruency</i></strong>! These two factors can literally change a conversation instantly.
Your tone and inflection is indicative of what you are saying, not just the words you use. The tone almost always reveals something about what we are thinking about the person we are communicating with or our current experience. Imagine talking to a baby. What tone of voice do you use? Soft tones? Gentle words? Doesn't that tell us a lot in terms of how you feel about the baby?
Now, think of the tone lover's use when talking to each other. How does that sound; Sensual, passionate?
Finally, how does the CEO of a company sound when talking to his team? There are major differences here too. They are authoritative, loud and direct. Now, all this may sound obvious to you, think about it. What if you switched the CEOs normal tone, with that of someone talking to a baby? "Would da team like a liddle waise?" Yes, we're joking here, but can you imagine an executive talking about product launches, returns on investment, or profit margins with a high pitched, gentle baby voice?
Hard to imagine, huh? You simply wouldn't be able to take this executive seriously. Would you be inspired to take action, or would you be more likely to crack up laughing during the meeting. It's a great example of how much we pay attention to the tone being used, not just the words that are spoken.
Now, you ask, what is emotional congruency? Once again, it's easiest to explain this using an example. Has anyone ever said "I love you?" They probably said it in a loving tone, and on the surface everything seemed right but did you somehow feel that the words were empty? What's really going on?
In all likelihood, they are expressing <strong><i>emotional incongruence</i></strong>. It could be that they are thinking about an upcoming baseball game, their family, or something completely unrelated to you and how much they love you. The words, though they seem like the right ones, in the right tone, seem hollow. Sometimes this can be a more significant issue. Maybe your partner is telling you what you <i>want</i> to hear rather than how they are really feeling.
Getting back to the original premise, achieving communication skills mastery, now that you're aware of all the components, let's put them altogether. In communication, it's important to start with the end in mind. Think about what you want your audience to feel, their emotional outcome. If you want them to feel something, let them know you feel the same way. Be conscious of your tone and be fully focused on the emotional out come of the situation.
This is the starting point of effective verbal communication from which the other two major elements are based. And what are the other two elements? Well, we'll leave you waiting until next week to learn about the next one. Be sure to check back and catch our next installment. Until then be present when you speak to others.
---------------------------------
by Michael Bloxton
In our last article, we discussed non-verbal communication the role of body language, posture, eye contact, and facial expression in effective communication. Now let's move on to the other major factor in communicating effectively with others - verbal communication. Properly applied these skills can have an enormous impact in your life.
Let's start with the three most powerful elements that effect verbal communication. With practice, they will make you a master communicator.
Have you ever heard the saying, "It's not what you say, but how you say it that counts?" This statement could not be truer, but what the heck does it mean? <strong><i>How</i></strong> you say something is expressed through your <strong><i>tone and emotional congruency</i></strong>! These two factors can literally change a conversation instantly.
Your tone and inflection is indicative of what you are saying, not just the words you use. The tone almost always reveals something about what we are thinking about the person we are communicating with or our current experience. Imagine talking to a baby. What tone of voice do you use? Soft tones? Gentle words? Doesn't that tell us a lot in terms of how you feel about the baby?
Now, think of the tone lover's use when talking to each other. How does that sound; Sensual, passionate?
Finally, how does the CEO of a company sound when talking to his team? There are major differences here too. They are authoritative, loud and direct. Now, all this may sound obvious to you, think about it. What if you switched the CEOs normal tone, with that of someone talking to a baby? "Would da team like a liddle waise?" Yes, we're joking here, but can you imagine an executive talking about product launches, returns on investment, or profit margins with a high pitched, gentle baby voice?
Hard to imagine, huh? You simply wouldn't be able to take this executive seriously. Would you be inspired to take action, or would you be more likely to crack up laughing during the meeting. It's a great example of how much we pay attention to the tone being used, not just the words that are spoken.
Now, you ask, what is emotional congruency? Once again, it's easiest to explain this using an example. Has anyone ever said "I love you?" They probably said it in a loving tone, and on the surface everything seemed right but did you somehow feel that the words were empty? What's really going on?
In all likelihood, they are expressing <strong><i>emotional incongruence</i></strong>. It could be that they are thinking about an upcoming baseball game, their family, or something completely unrelated to you and how much they love you. The words, though they seem like the right ones, in the right tone, seem hollow. Sometimes this can be a more significant issue. Maybe your partner is telling you what you <i>want</i> to hear rather than how they are really feeling.
Getting back to the original premise, achieving communication skills mastery, now that you're aware of all the components, let's put them altogether. In communication, it's important to start with the end in mind. Think about what you want your audience to feel, their emotional outcome. If you want them to feel something, let them know you feel the same way. Be conscious of your tone and be fully focused on the emotional out come of the situation.
This is the starting point of effective verbal communication from which the other two major elements are based. And what are the other two elements? Well, we'll leave you waiting until next week to learn about the next one. Be sure to check back and catch our next installment. Until then be present when you speak to others.
---------------------------------
Aucun commentaire:
Enregistrer un commentaire